her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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