hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
