Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
