sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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