similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
