You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
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I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
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Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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