I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She is in my trunk
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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