you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
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Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
jump out the window naked night went bad
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