so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week