it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...