And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
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According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor