a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
