it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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