i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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