All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
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I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
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I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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