Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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