just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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