there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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