Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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