Soap is not a condiment
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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