What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
