Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
