Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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