Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
