We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
