On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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