we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
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he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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