I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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