I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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