I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
