Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
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i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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