I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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