there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
