oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
