I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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