how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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