i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
