from now on my penis is your penis
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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