just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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