You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
someone owes me an orgasm
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
