1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
