i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
