I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
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Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
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The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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