it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
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Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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