I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
