oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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