what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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