he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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