my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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