Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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