And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
