i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize